'B is for BEER' and THE BAD BOYFRIEND BEER POEM

Well.  I spent a long time toying with the letter B and what I could possibly discuss relating to it in terms of the bad boyfriend.  After 3 agonising minutes, I decided there is really only one 'B word' that I could blog about and that word is BEER.

                                                                  'B is for BEER'

Do you know what, I like beer. Actually it's one of my favourite things to drink.  Most recently at a barbeque with friends I created and drank a pint of chocolate ale with a scoop of salted caramel ice cream in it... like a beer float, and it was yummy, nobody else really agreed, well, one chap did, but his theory was that any alcoholic drink consumed in quantity can become pleasing, even if you think it tastes fucking awful at first sip.  I get this, I once thought gin tasted horrible, how ridiculous!  'Gin' the cure of all bad in the world!  Crazy!

I didn't really date a serious beer drinker until around the 2006 mark, when I was 25.  I was kind of naive to the world of alcoholism, well just naive to the damage alcohol can do to a person and a relationship....

I have too many beer stories to tell, and I will probably come to each and every one of them throughout the course of this blog, so I have written a Bad Boyfriend Beer poem....

THE BAD BOYFRIEND BEER POEM

It hadn't been a long time

but that night when he was pissed (again)

he took her by the hand

and on her finger he laid a kiss

He said, I love you pretty darling

and, I love you all the time

and, I want to make you happy

and, then he fell asleep on the sofa....

So she plucked the stella from his fingers

and kissed him on the head

she really should be angry

but she dragged him up to bed

(he was really fucking heavy)

And they lay together

whilst she dreamed of what could be

and he lay on his back snoring

until she slept (eventually)

Morning came and he awoke her

with some flowers and a kiss

and everything was perfect

"happy birthday Elmonalis"

It's elmonalissa's birthday

she's really super pleased,

her boyfriend has a suprise for her,

he's gonna get down on one knee

And so it was they parted

as she spent the day with friends

and he went off to work

to earn her birthday spends ;)

(well probably enought to put a bluey on the electric)

That evening when she saw her cake

and candles all aglow

she made a secret wish

that he would show (her what he had in his jacket pocket so hurry up already)

And so they ate together

and munched on chocolae cake

and she gazed into his (bleary) eyes

and wondered if she's made a (terrible) mistake

He'd only had 6 carling cans

he usually handled more

he seemed a little swayey

as he stumbled into the kitchen door (and bumped his stupid head, and fell over)

(so he had one glass of her wine to ease the pain)

...

And there it was, it happened

in the kitchen, on the floor

he told her that he loved her

and to get his jacket from the door

As she fumbled in his pockets

she felt dispairingly

as she saw her future husband

shitfaced... totally

And there it was he asked her

if she would ...

He said

"you wanna make a go of this then bird"

"Erm.... this is not how I pictured it to be honest, can you ask me tomorrow when you're sober"

TO BE CONTINUED.........