This book thing...

Every time I find myself single, somebody says....

"Hey.. You should write a book"

It's almost as if my life is just one more chapter of Bridgett Fucking Jone's diary... by the way... I have never read that book, and find the films absolutely horrendous viewing.... perhaps because I can relate a little too much... perhaps it's just because they are actually shit, who knows.

Hugh Grant does my head in and if he came to me with a blank cheque for 40 million quid and a whole farm of kittens, and the promise of my life exactly how I pictured it before I became disillusioned and bitter, I would without question send him packing... Bye Hugh... bye love.... off you pop.....

As for the other bloke... he would get it, but only after a couple of pinots and I couldn't see it happening as a long term arrangement.

Rennee Zellweggerrrrr... well... I'm not convinced by the whole 'I'm quite happy to play a fat chick.... just so long as I'm back to a zero for the red carpet attitude'.  Wench.  I did like her chicken strangling in Cold Mountain though.. best part of the whole epic wrist-slittingly endurance.

You know, yesterday  went for a drink with an old friend (well a diet coke to be exact due to embarking on the craziest pre-acting in an amateur musical diet - I have ever encountered - another story), and we discussed this hitting 30's single, tragic turn of events stuff... it's sad you know, when people around you are all 'grown up' and they all have perfect little families and marriages and white picket fences and you have found yourself continually shelved for what seems like no reason at all.  It hurts, it hurts a lot.  Sometimes I really don't get it, like what is so wrong with me?  People tell me how I am kind, caring, honest, good looking, funny, talented... etc... etc...

This is all very difficult to believe when you wake up alone, with nobody to say good morning to, or if there is somebody to say good morning to, you know it won't last. 

I think I have finally reached a place where I kow that my life is different, that it will not feature white picket fences and 2.4 children and a run of gerbils, and maybe that is something to embrace? 

I have this... potential.. date lined up for the weekend, and the sensible part of me is saying it's way too soon, but the creative, energetic spirit inside of me is telling me to get back out there.... just meet people, make friends.  Hiding in my flat at 31 is not going to give me anything excitng to blog about is it!

Here's to the future *as I toast you with a diet coke*

EL xxx